The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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