he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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