so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
