He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
