i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
