took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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