I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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