I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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