Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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