Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
