If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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