I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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