If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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