sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
