I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize