Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
