Having a random hookup so left but love u
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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