dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
