I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
