dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
