you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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