Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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