I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
