Don't you send me to vm
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
