I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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