Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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