I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
