sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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