pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
