His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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