I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
