I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
