I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
