I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
