I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
