Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize