just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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