Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
