u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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