I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
