is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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