I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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