fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
