her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
