He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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