508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
