just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
People in love make me want to vomit
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
