u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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