I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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