Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
