oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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