Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
