two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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