I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
