A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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