I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
