Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
