All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
