I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
