he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize