I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
