Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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