As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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