i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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