It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
